Marriage is Challenging: Part One

Any marriage is hard. Growing up, we all have some view on marriage. If your parents had a bad marriage (got divorced, never were married, maybe a spouse left) then you probably had a negative outlook on marriage. If your parents had a good marriage, you probably figured you’d have one too. We see what we’re used to seeing.

From the time I was ten, I wanted to be married. My dream in life was to be a godly wife, a godly mother, and an author. And I had a lot of thoughts of the kind of wife I was going to be. I’d clean the house in full makeup, wearing a 50s-style dress with heels and jewelry. My husband would come home from work and I’d greet him in sexy lingerie, and we’d just have a happy marriage. I knew things wouldn’t be perfect, that’d we’d have marriage problems, but I thought I’d be different from most of the wives I had seen around me, whether in real life or on television.

I met my husband online (March 2016) when I was twenty-eight (ten years after I expected to meet him). We dated for a little over a month, got engaged and were married by May 2016. You may think it was a whirlwind romance and we were just caught up in being “in love”, but that wasn’t what happened. I prayed fervently from the day I met him until the day I married him, asking the Lord if he was the right guy. And every time the Lord would tell me, “Yes, he is. Trust Me.” I didn’t want to trust Him. Things were moving fast and I was scared. But I got married.

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At first, we got caught up in the excitement of marriage. Seeing each other every morning, me being home for him when he returned from work. It was almost like my dream. And then…bills. We were eating out too much, going out too often. He was in a sales position, which meant that he worked on commission and his pay varied a lot. I didn’t work at all because I was used to my parents providing for me. I thought my husband would do the same.

By the end of our first month together, we didn’t have money to pay next month’s rent on his condo. To pay it, he’d have to take out a loan. I cried. A lot. Finally, I talked to my mom and dad and they invited us to move in with them until we could get financially back on our feet.

We lived with them for over a year. I love my parents and I am grateful for what they did, but tensions ran high sometimes. It’s hard for four adults to live together, all with different thoughts and ideas of how to do things. Not to mention my husband and I had no sex life because he didn’t feel comfortable making love when my parents were in the next room.

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And our marriage still had its problems. I wasn’t as stressed because we didn’t have as many bills and my parents paid for a lot. We paid our own bills, but we didn’t have to pay for rent, rarely for food, and no utilities other than our phones.

But my husband hated his job. He was stressed every day because of it and I knew he needed to get out of it. He applied to over one thousand jobs in a period of six-nine months. He only got one call-back, so of course, he leaped at the job opportunity. He quit his old job and started the new one. We thought things would improve. Right, God? Things had to get better, didn’t they?

In less than two weeks, the women at his new job decided they didn’t like him and forced him out. I don’t know if they were just used to an all-female environment, or didn’t like his personality, or whatever it was, they made some pretty bad accusations and he was forced to quit.

Now, my husband had no job and a few thousand in savings. That’s not the end of the story, but I’ll post part two on Tuesday. For now, a little marriage advice that I’ve had to learn the hard way: Trust God. Even if nothing seems to make sense, trust God.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

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