Yesterday was a really bad day for me. I got angry at God because things aren’t going the way I want them to, or aren’t moving fast enough. I know, writing it down makes it sound so ridiculous (and childish), but I was really upset. I cried out of frustration and bitterness and fear of things to come. Thankfully, Justin helped calm me down. And today I started the day off much better, getting focused on God again. But yeah, it was hard.
I felt guilty when I woke up today and at first, I was hard on myself. But I did ask God for forgiveness and I remembered how the Bible says that God forgets our sins and casts them as far as the east is from the west.
“I, even I, am He who blots out
your transgressions, for My own sake,
and remembers your sins no more.” (Isaiah 43:25)
“as far as the east is from the west,
so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:12)
This helped me feel a little better. I’m not going to say I woke up in a great mood, happy and ready to go. One thing I strive to do on this blog is to be completely honest. I was still feeling a little down. I laid in bed for a few minutes and thanked God for all the blessings He’s given me – that way I start my day off right.
And Justin is helping me learn how to redirect my thoughts so I did that in my quiet time this morning. Basically, I went to YouTube and I found these two videos: one is a walk through the English countryside, the other is a man reading hope-filled Scriptures. You mute the walk through the countryside and have the spoken Word playing in your headphones while you watch the other video. Repeat the man’s words as he says them out loud, though I do it in a whisper. That way you are not only redirecting your thoughts, but you are watching something peaceful as well. I actually went to the channel that is hosting the English countryside walk and they have a lot of awesome videos that are similar but in different locations. I’m going to watch a different one every day.
Doing that helped me to calm down and feel more at peace. Then I listened to Joel Osteen while I took a shower, which helped encourage me. Later this afternoon I’ll spend some time in God’s Word and in more prayer. I have to remember to take the time to do this throughout the day, even though I’m busy with our businesses, blog, book, etc. It’s actually more important because if I don’t take the time to get my heart and mind in the right place, I start sliding into depression which makes it impossible for me to do anything.
But we need to acknowledge the fact that we are going to have bad days in life. Maybe we shouldn’t – I know Joyce Meyer’s has said that we can choose not to have a bad day. But you know what? Sometimes it just happens. We make the wrong choices, think the wrong thoughts, and we fall down. I think it’s important to quickly repent because it is a sin to doubt and fear and worry – but after you repent, let it go. Don’t keep beating yourself up because you made mistakes. That will honestly just make things worse. Instead, thank God for His forgiveness, find a way to make your day better (like I described above) and try not to let it happen again. Our bad days should be few and far between, in my opinion. Though lately, they’ve been more frequent in my life. But I’m trying to change that, with God’s help.
Still, I know that Justin and I are going through a time of trial and testing, so bad things are going to keep happening to make us stronger and bring us through this far better than we ever were. I have to keep reminding myself that even when we’re making millions of dollars, we’re still going to have problems because even when we have money it is easy to lose it. When we have kids, we’re going to have a different set of problems. Maybe we won’t need to worry much about bills, but raising kids is honestly harder than making money. When we start traveling, we’ll need to concern ourselves with having all the required paperwork, the different laws in each country, safety issues (especially with kids), our homes, etc.
I keep thinking that once we have money everything will be okay, but money doesn’t solve all of life’s problems. Rich people still have problems.
Then I wonder why God allows us to have problems. I think everyone thinks that sometimes, especially as God’s children. We think that because we are following the Lord, everything should go well with us. I think that’s why people don’t like Joel Osteen. They think he tells us that we’re never going to have problems. The funny thing is, if you really listen to his entire sermons and read his books, he doesn’t say that at all. He reminds us that as Jesus said, we are going to go through trials in life.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
But he adds that when we go through trials, we need to have a good attitude. Having a bad attitude never improves the situation, nor does it make God get us out of the situation more quickly. In fact, it does the exact opposite. I’ve noticed that the worse my attitude gets, the harder the problem becomes and it lasts longer than if I would just have faith and trust that God knows what He is doing.
And it’s hard. I know Joyce says not to say that things are hard, but I believe in being honest with yourself. It is hard to have a good attitude in a bad situation. I want our finances taken care of. I want to know that these businesses will make money and be successful. I want to know that we’re going to be able to travel the world for the next 20-30 years. But life is full of uncertainties and only God knows our actual path.
“In their hearts humans plan their course,
but the Lord establishes their steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)
We can make plans all we want, but that doesn’t mean they will happen – or maybe they will happen, but not as quickly as we would like. I believe Justin and I are here to learn several things:
- Trust God implicitly
- Stop relying on ourselves
- God’s timing is perfect
- Learn to live with uncertainty
- Work hard even if you don’t see results (trust that the right results will come)
- Be positive no matter what is going on
- Keep close to one another, not turning against each other
The last one is the hardest one for me. In all honesty (and I promised to be honest), part of me blames Justin for our situation because I wanted a husband who was already established in his career, out of debt and making a decent amount of money. Not a millionaire, but middle-class at least. I wish Justin had started this business years before he met me and was already successful by now. But I realized that our situation is a result of both of us making bad choices.
I chose not to go to college. I wish now that I had gone and gotten a degree in graphic and web design. I was always interested in them both, from the time that I was ten years old. I can’t go now because we don’t have the time or money. I should have finished my book a LONG time ago. I’ve been writing and rewriting it for nineteen years.
And yes, Justin should have started this business years ago. But he was afraid, just as I was afraid to make the right decisions. And in the end, does it matter? We are where we are and we can’t do anything to change the past. We need to focus on making the right decisions now, and I need to let go of what I wish we had done because the “would have, could have, should have” thought cycle isn’t healthy or productive.
Anyway, this has gone on pretty long. I just had a lot to say because I’m passionate about this subject. I really hope that it helps you not feel guilty when you have bad days, or feel like you’re losing your faith in God, or wondering why God is allowing these hard times.
You are not alone! We are all going through tough situations. But I know that God will bring us all through.
Post in the comments below what trials you’re going through right now. What have you gone through in the past that God has delivered you from?