One extremely important part of marriage is that the two of you should understand one another’s beliefs. Now, if you were both saved before you got married then you should already know one another’s views on salvation. In fact, that should have been one of the first conversations you had when dating. However, you may not know your husband’s views on everything in the Bible, or how to raise kids, or political beliefs, or how we should live as Christians.
Now, I’m not saying you need to go grab your husband and say, “Babe, Tara says that we need to sit down for the next 5 hours and discuss everything we possibly can think of to see if we’re on the same page.” Please don’t do that, or if you do, don’t bring my name into it! Most of these things will be discussed situationally. For example, maybe you read a certain verse or passage in the Bible and you’re curious as to how your husband thinks or feels on the subject, so you go ask him. Or, maybe you’re pregnant and it’s your first child – that’s a great time to discuss how you want to raise your kids and make sure you’re on the same page. Or, maybe you were at your small group and one of the married couples told of their political beliefs or how they handled a certain situation and maybe, in your heart, you disagreed with them – the drive home would be a great time to find out what your husband thought.
But it is vital to a healthy, godly marriage that you discuss important issues with one another. Couples who don’t talk about things rarely stay married for long, or if they do stay together they rarely have a good, healthy relationship. When it comes to important issues, you need to know what your husband thinks and make sure that the two of you are on the same page.
What do I mean by important issues? Well, salvation is vital to a Christian marriage, so you need to make sure you both believe in the same thing. Did God create everything? That’s foundational to the Christian faith. What is sin and is everyone born into sin? That’s also foundational. Was Jesus God in the flesh, did He live a sinless life, did He die for our sins, was He raised three days later? All of that is vital to the Christian faith. Those are things with which you need to agree.
What do you do if you aren’t in agreement on foundational truths? Well, I suggest going to your pastor and asking for counseling. Because you can’t have a happy, healthy marriage if you don’t agree on the important issues.
Other important issues that aren’t necessarily foundational issues of faith are how to raise your kids and how to handle your finances. And you also need to discuss what you both expect from one another. Does he expect you to have a career outside the home and do you expect him to be the sole provider? Those are opposites so make sure you both agree.
Now, you won’t agree on everything and if it isn’t really important, don’t worry about it. You can discuss it and agree to disagree, but it shouldn’t cause fights nor does it require counseling. For example, for years my dad didn’t believe in a literal 6 days of creation. He believed it could have happened over thousands of years (but of course he still believed in God creating everything). My mom did believe in 6 literal days of creation because the Bible said specifically, “There was evening and morning – the 1st(2nd/3rd/etc.) day.” That is pretty clear on it being a literal day. But they didn’t get divorced or seek counseling over it because they agreed on the most important part – that God created everything. Eventually, dad did come around and now believes in 6 literal days of creation. But that isn’t a foundational doctrine and shouldn’t worry you if your husband doesn’t agree with you. Have discussions about non-essential things, certainly, but be okay if your husband doesn’t agree.
So, find out what you believe about certain things, and then make sure your husband is on the same page. If not, discuss why not. Figure out his reasoning and try to get on the same page. If you can’t do it on your own, there is nothing wrong with seeking Christian counseling from a pastor or another Christian counselor.
If we want to have a healthy marriage, we need to know what we believe and what our husbands believe, so make sure you have those discussions.