We all know that times get hard whether you’re married or single, but if you are married you don’t have to go through those hard times on your own. Yes, we can always have friends and family to help us, and God will never leave us nor forsake us, but if you’re married you have a live-in helper too. You and your husband will go through hard times together. We can’t always prevent those times from coming. We can’t always make them end – sometimes God wants us to go through them. But we do have a choice on what we do in those hard times. I see married couples really having only two options when they face trials and difficulties in life.
Fight Constantly and/or Leave
Our first option is to fight with one another or to leave the marriage. I’ve seen a lot of marriages end over the death of a child because the parents blame one another for the death. I’ve seen marriages end due to financial difficulty because one or both spouses just couldn’t handle the stress anymore. I’ve seen marriages end due to infidelity (adultery/affairs) and even if the spouse who committed adultery truly seeks forgiveness, the offended spouse refuses to forgive. I’ve also seen marriages end because both parties just don’t feel like being married anymore. They refuse to let God change them and think they’ll be better off as “friends.”
All of these situations and ones I didn’t name are hard. I’m not going to sugarcoat it or even pretend to understand some of them since I haven’t been through all of them myself. What I do know is that God put us together and no one should ever try to break apart what God has put in place.
So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate. (Matthew 19:6 – AMP)
I’ve said this before on this blog and in my book “Love: What is it Really?” that divorce is never an option in a Christian marriage – not if you are both born-again believers. If one of you is saved but your spouse is not saved and the unsaved spouse wants to leave, you can allow him or her to go (1 Cor. 7:12-16). But if you are both saved, divorce should never be an option.
I also know that all couples will have fights. I fight with Justin sometimes, though not frequently, yet it doesn’t last long. If you’re fighting all the time, you should probably seek Christian marital counseling. If your fights last a long time, for example, you stay angry for weeks or months after, you should probably seek Christian counseling. It isn’t healthy nor is it part of a godly marriage to fight all the time or for fights to last for long periods of time. It’s usually a sign that one or both of you have deep-seeded issues that you need professional help to handle (Christian counseling or a Christian psychiatrist) or that you are no longer choosing to love one another, and you need Christian marital counseling to help you get into the right mindsets.
The Lord has taught me over the past two years not to allow myself to stay angry at Justin. I may remain mad for a few hours, but the Holy Spirit always convicts me and helps me to calm down. He reminds me to see Justin through His eyes and to think of my husband’s good qualities.
However, there is another way to handle hard times in our lives.
Grow Closer and Get Stronger
The second and far better option is for the two of you to draw closer together in the hard times and grow stronger through them. Our financial situation is extremely stressful and it would be very, very easy for us to blame one another, fight all the time, and grow further apart. It could even end in divorce because finances are one of the leading causes for divorce. Instead, Justin and I are using this situation to draw us closer together and closer to God.
If you and your husband choose to lean on one another through hard times, and together you rely on God, you will grow stronger through those times and come out of the other side more mature and more able to continue on the path God has planned out for you. The Bible says that two or three are stronger than one alone.
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Ecc. 4:12)
You see, when we draw closer together as a married couple we can defend ourselves against the enemy and against everything that comes against us in life. With Christ at the center of our marriage, we become a cord of three strands which is not quickly broken.
Do you wonder how people can still be married after 20, 30, 40, even 50 years? It’s because instead of allowing hard times to push them apart, they let those times push them closer to one another and to our loving God. When we do this, our marriages are very hard to break apart, if not impossible. But we have to make the choice to never give up, to work hard on our marriages, and to keep Jesus as the center.
I hope this helps all my married couples out there! I’d love to hear your marriage stories! Please post in the comments below or send me an email.
I pray you guys have a blessed Monday and work week!